The fresher in his first months in the university is more comfortable than a stalite. Though he might not yet know his way around the school and his dressing might be a little odd his steps a little unsure, his gestures a little nervous. He still enjoys life more than a stalite does. At least in the first few months. You know why?
One, his grade points is comfortably sitting at zero point. No failure, no passes, no worries.
Two, he has the privilege of being treated and courted like a newly wedded bride. Or a newly wooed girlfriend.
If he is a Christian, CLASFON would want him to be a member. If he is a Muslim NAMLAS would be all over him. And if he is neither, the secularists would get to him as long as the Tods are on his feet, his G-Shock and ray bans are real and his white is whiter than most.
Do I need to mention that those seeking political office in the next semester would start forming familiarity or that the chambers would be scouting for members each touting their chamber as the best.
But the fresher need not worry about all these ‘sincere’ welcoming treatments because in the end all will play to his advantage or rather to the advantage of his belly. You see, these guys will organise freshers picnic, fresher’s orientation programs, fresher’s welcoming parties and all of these fresher’s whatnots and the surest thing in all of these programs is the presence of item seven. As in, the item seven. At this point, one might point out the laughable packaging or is it ‘palckaging’ of freshers. During these programs, when the item seven have been served, some guys go start to dey form like ‘I don’t want to look hungry’, ‘I don’t want to eat first’. So then go start dey look right, look left. Looking for anybody who has managed to start. But since everybody is watching everybody else, no one would start eating. Meanwhile, the program continues. Stomachs starts rumbling and concentration is lost. As soon as a guy (never a girl; girls are more palckaged) summons the courage to break the ice and sink his teeth into the inviting item, the whole lot would follow suit. An advice for the freshers; if you find yourself in one of these programs, please do not hesitate to attack the items as soon as they are placed in front of you find you. You see, the organisers of the programs want you to come and that is why they promised item seven because, seriously most people wont bother to come without that promise. And since you’ve blessed them with your presence, so you have the right to eat like a licensed plague.
Three, the fresher has an idealistic view of school. Because he has not sustained any scars, emotional, physical or academic he thinks the university would be paradise, especially when you are in one of the best universities in Nigeria. And why wouldn’t he think so? After all he is hard working and his I.Q is off charts. In fact, he would give Einstein a run for his money, and the issue of falling grades does not just come up in his mind. His social skills are superb. He can make friends within minutes and have ladies eating from his palm in no time. In short, he is James Bond.
But hello fresher, ever heard of little something called social stratification? Now what is class stratification?
According to the faculty of law invincible dictionary 2012 edition, class stratification simply a situation where some guys decide to form a group because of the things they have and prevent others from joining the group because of the things they don’t have. Put simply, it means if you are still wearing Toms instead of Tods, you do not belong to the elite group. Put more simply, it means if your blackberry is not Bold5/6 or you do not own an Iphone4/5, you do not belong to the group. If you are a still using Nokia, then don’t even think about it. Put very simply, it means if you are not swaggisly Burna Boy who likes to fall off the stage, sorry, party, then you do not belong to the group. Forget about academic prowess, it wont get you inside this group and group and it wont get the girl. Your academics cant save you, life starts where your grade point ends.
After having said all of these however, kudos must be given to our fresher ladies. They’ve packaged themselves so well that one of my guys came to me one day and said “chai, these fresh babes would be the death of me o”, to which I replied “you know what, I will be glad to come to your funeral”.